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 Recently Added The Giveaway The Friend Aga, Part II Aga This is Not My Tribe Four (Very Pretty) Women Playing Golf Team Spirit Haley’s Deb Party Ski Sweaters Day with Emily |
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THE FRIEND I just saw a very close friend who is dying of cancer on my airplane. But it can’t be him. This man looks and acts to be in perfect health. I am in the back of the plane and observe him without saying anything. I am about to go up to him but can’t believe it’s him. He just told me yesterday, "the doctor wants me to stay in my apartment to get over the chemo I had. No phone calls or visits." But it is him and I recognize the black and white checked scarf he always wears. The plane is to Puerto Rico- what is he up to? I say nothing. I do nothing. I am feeling paralyzed. I’d boarded the plane early and saw him as his group of happy, carefree friends cha-chaed on. He’s not pale or wan or tottering or dizzy. No cane, no glasses, no stoop, no shuffling. He is care-free and strong. This is a long time friend. Am I crazy? No, I know that scarf. He’s drinking! Is this some last hurrah? Is he planning to "die" and leave the country? Does he have another life? In New York City, he’s gay. In Puerto Rico, maybe he has a huge family. He’s certainly acting straight. Who will greet him as he exits the plane? This is an impossibly long plane ride. Yes I am scared he’ll see me. Will he have to kill me? Is this some "cover" for the CIA? I feign sleep as he heads for the bathroom. I cover my face with my sweater. Has he seen me? He knows my pinstripe pant suit- he helped me pick it out for heaven’s sake. I am going down to see the Governor of Puerto Rico whom I attended school with. I hadn’t mentioned this to him as I felt so badly he was- ha- "Stuck in New York." No wonder he never let me accompany him to the hospital or visit him when he had spells- he was probably globe trotting. I want to throttle him for all the worry and sadness I’ve felt for him. I feel him pass by and feel the intake of breath as he registers on my clothes. Will he kill me? He can’t be sure it’s me. Of course he is; he knows my bag too. I don’t feel him pass by the other way and after a time I look around for him- he’s nowhere. Am I hallucinating? As we land I watch his friends get up, gather their possessions and line up to deplane. I don’t see him. Then I am blocked by other passengers. I go to baggage claim, see all his friends, not him. I see luggage but no extra bags are left on the carousel and his friends don’t seem to notice he’s not there. I follow them to the exit where I get in the car sent for me. Then I see him. He is in a pilot’s uniform and gabbing to a group of stewardesses! I watch him. He watches me. I wave to him. He waves to me. My friend whom I believed to be dying has on a pilot’s uniform and is waving unconcernedly at me. When I return to New York I have 3 messages from him in a weak, lost voice talking about his chemo, his locked up weekend. Am I to collude in this with him? If I don’t, what happens next? I know he was in Puerto Rico, he knows I know but he is taking the path of pretense. What is going on? Will I ever know? I shall ask him. I’ll tell him I know, but somehow I don’t and 6 months later we "bury" him. I give a eulogy, fully expecting to see him at his funeral in pilot gear. I speak of how he "has not really left us," "he will always be near us." I’m having a great time with double entendres and hope he hears them. Everyone else is devastated. I am pining for the next step in the plot. I can’t wait for another revelation. He owes me. I never gave him away. I don’t have to wait long- the email arrives- he loved my eulogy. It was attached to a virus. Pretty clear message to back off. He wiped out my computer. What would he do to me? By Tina |
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